Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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