The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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