i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
