Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize