remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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