clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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