Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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