lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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