i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
