She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
