He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
