I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize