do herpes really smell.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
