no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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