Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
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