i just had sex bonerless
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
