I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
