am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
