I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
