do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
