I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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