he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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