I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
