Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
That accounts for only three of the penises
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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