You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
