dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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