How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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