marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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