i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
