In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
