Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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