she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
