pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
