remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Who died my cat blue again?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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