And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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