I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
