Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
