Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
