Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
