some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
