we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
