thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize