Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
