He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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