Will you blow on my dice?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
