All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
