Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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