I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
