you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
