honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
