the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
