u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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