he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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