i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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