I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
