My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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