She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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