I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
