Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
