just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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