do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
