Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
