Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
