dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
