i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
